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Added: March 5, 2019
*Trigger Warning* Advice on dating someone with DID : Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum
I agree with Una+. It’s a bit like dealing with someone with addiction, you can only help so far. They need to want the change themselves before it’ll be successful. Meantime make sure you are not part of the problem, that makes it possible to continue. Watching someone hurting themselves is not easy.
They probably have separate parts that are going back again and the one who experiences the abuse. Maybe if they can keep up the connection with the one who takes all the abuse, it’ll help them. Asking the abused one(s) write letter to the ones who go back is not bad idea. Maybe they can also feel empathy for the abused one(s). They feel they won’t be hurt, because they are not the ones who will be hurt. They need to understand it’s not just them, but they are making someone else from the system to be hurt again by delivering her to the abuser. So he may not hurt her, but they will hurt part x and have done it several times before. Also it is not wrong to want to go back, it’s a feeling caused by trauma and it is understandable. Don’t try to stop them from feeling. Maybe help them deal with the feeling. If they try to push it away, it will grow to be more separate and therefor stronger. Accepting the feeling and the one(s) who feel it, is important. Maybe it’ll help them too to write about it or have some way of expressing how they feel. Parts can’t be wrong kind, they are exactly what was needed, and their feelings can’t be wrong either. Their actions still have impact that affects greatly. If you can understand better why they wanna go back, you may try to help them get all they think abuser will give them. Also be aware of how old these parts are, and remember to talk like you should to someone at that age. If those parts are not adults, they can’t do adult reasoning.
Don’t forget yourself in all of this, you need support too, and your gf certainly needs DID-therapist. You can not be that to her.
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