The Nice Guy’s Downward Spiral – Resentful Cynic or Pseudo-Alpha

The Nice Guy’s Downward Spiral – Resentful Cynic or Pseudo-Alpha

In this video I discuss two pathways the Nice Guy in trouble (downward spiral) can take. These are based on my own clinical observations. I also touch on some of the wider social factors that have contributed to the increase in men locked into Nice Guy mode (as defined in my second video on understanding the three types of men), including the confusion of many women regarding what they want in a partner.

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Abdul Saad
Clinical Psychologist


October 11, 2017 / 32 Comments / by / in
  • I think this can happen to nice girls too.

  • Agree. True for females too

  • Hi Dr. Abdul Saad, can you please discuss your views on why most men keep their emotions to themselves? Why can they not share, what they feel? Are they just unaware of these feelings? Or have they been conditioned by upbringing, society, other men, etc. to believe that emotions are something that men should not feel – so they subconsciously numb themselves? Should it be considered 'masculine' to not share emotions?
    Thanks for great videos as usual.

  • Awesome. I hope you’ll do a series similar to this on women’s personalities too!

  • Here's a clue have integrity, a code of ethics that guides you.

  • I enjoy watching your videos. Thank you, Abdul.

  • Do they flip flop from both of these?? My ex I swear did

  • Could the right woman change this man into being a good guy again and have him actually fall in love with her?

  • Another awesome discourse

  • I agree. Thats so deep and true. Very sad when its happening.. i myself thinking about changing the way i approach to women. Dont want to be nice anymore, after failed long term relationships and the last one with a narcissistic psychopathic woman. All this women almost made me hate all women.

  • I think I'm completely soured with ALL OF HUMANITY. all I see is broken people. It lends to say the biggest factor to this phenomenon is due to WHO IS CONTROLLING the world. Psychopaths. And they have ruined society. Realize we are all slaves to a rigged system. Where no one can be human. We are all in fight or flight and survival mode. I do believe this was done with intent. By design. There are no healthy environments anywhere. Unless you have a few millions to escape the grinding and rigged slave matrix.

  • I was the resentful cynic … and then an alcoholic … then I got my head up.

    Thank you for sharing the knowledge for the purpose of recognition. We need to see this in friends and make the common culture aware so that we can get "ahead" for the purpose of healthier future. Thank you.

  • As a man in this culture, I dont play hard to get, I play hard to want

  • Hi Abdul

    I find that as if now you have very good understanding of the personalities and I am following your videos to improve myself. I think I find myself in the category of a nice guy and currently recovering from narcissistic abuse by my ex. I see how each and every of your word is so true and as I am on my way to recovery I find how everything that you have said is similar to what a person can feel after not getting anything by being nice. But I want to be on the right path to recovery thus taking proper guidance from my therapist and also listening to you. On this journey your videos on consumption of magnesium and zinc for wellness have been very helpful to me and I really thank you for sharing your insight on these topics. Thank you so much Abdul. Really appreciate

    God Bless You

  • That happened to my ex husband – he lost face and disappeared back to his home country. You are spot on. Thing is, he became abusive to me and his daughters and blamed me for his failures .

  • 7:37 very good point. i think that most relationships are very superficial.

  • I believe when a woman is in her feminine she realizes that the masculinity in her man is a blessing for her and that she'll be the vulnerable and "heart" side of the relationship. Such a woman is into the authentic grounded man that you explained in our of your videos. And she'll know that in such a dynamic, he'll be expressing his emotions when she hold that space for him through her vulnerability and receptivity

  • Thanks for that one. Not "Nice guy" but highly skilled nurse, multi-cultural and spiritual man and father. So much engaged that it had to lead to burnout. And did.
    BUT my decision to either down or up. Yes hostility. But hostility to the "outside world" means finally rediscovering NO as an option. No to the other opinion means YES to my opinion or decision. Going through tons of feelings of shame and guilt.
    And honestly, who is to judge "hostility". Maybe those who have gotten accustomed to the "services of Mr Nice Guy"?

    "You are a «good co-dependent» if you feel guilty about having boundaries." – Setting boundaries is healing Mr Nice Guy from outside acknowledgement, acceptance to self-acknowledgment and self-acceptance.
    Sincerely from Lower-Saxony in Germany.

  • Thank you, Dr. Saad for another very helpful talk. I would otherwise not be able to understand how my nice guy friend became so cynical and, well, mean. I'm glad to learn that communication resp. expression is a big factor. He really sees only negative things, even misinterprets neutral statements. I cut contact because he became so hurtful but he tried again to contact me by bringing something I needed calling from the street in front of my place. After a few weeks, same thing. Hurtful cynicism. He now insists on sexual favors, something that he'd never done being the sensitive TLC guy. We are not in relationship, only had some romantic experience in the past, a few years back. Anyways, I'm so glad I am understanding now what's going on. I need to keep my distance and will continue to block any contact. He even acted aggressively driving in a parking lot. The world is against him, people are out there to annoy him and he does not get respected for all he did, for me, for others.
    Can those guys get a sort of paranoia or is it only a twisted perception? And at which point will they get out of their downward spiral?

  • Abdul, your educational videos are very helpful and the content here is also helpful, albeit, adds yet more confusion for a woman with respect to discerning a male with this downward spiral from a cluster B personality. I have developed a "tough skin" so to speak, which has evolved because of a recent past cluster B personality relationship..the result now is, I am always "guarded".

  • This is very helpful. Please do one about nice girls

  • Nice insights

  • I want to let you know that people like you on YouTube are having a huge impact on my life. You could call it an awakening. I hope you express these psychological truth bombs with compassion and not condemnation.

  • I loved this video! At the end, you mention women oscillate between the nice guy and the dominant guy and are searching for a mythological blend of the two that doesn't exist–my question to you is could this not be the authentic grounded male they're looking for and cannot find because there are less of them? Or is the authentic grounded male not quite a mix of the two? Also, are you suggesting that only nice guys out of the three categories are interested in monogamous relationships? Thank you!

  • Thank you, so informative! Appreciate your work, always look forward to next one (Johannesburg, S.Africa)

  • Great video! But once again YouTube doesn't notify me of the new videos. I keep pressing the bell and it does no good.

  • Great videos. I'm a trans man who was a nice guy and very in danger of becoming the resentful cynic. I'm in the interesting position of having a lot of women in my life with whom I speak on behalf of the male side of things. Women definitely need to look at how confusing their messages to men are. We are basically punished and sidelined as sexual partners for being sensitive to women needs while at the same time listening to women complain incessantly about how much pseudo males hurt them in relationships. It's a screwed world out there !!

  • Thank you so much for your videos. I am deeply attentive and appreciative.

    I am reluctant to accept that it's not possible to be both "nice" and "dominant," unless by nice you mean submissive. But, I have known men who are attentive, interested and responsive (what I think we women mean when we say "sensitive") and yet can maintain their own very masculine position. Think of a good father. He does this regularly with his children. It is very possible.

    It is similar to how women used to complain about the Madonna/Whore syndrome, where we complained that men wanted us to be opposites, until we realized that, well, yes, we can by all means be both sweet and supportive as well as lusty and loyal to our man.

  • sounds like my former life working in a DOW 30 Corporation……………….

  • I have always wondered if this is an epidemic in America? Is it any different, in one of the scandanavian countries? Better? Worse? Anyone have any personal knowledge?

  • Waiting for the next video, but maybe you should have a look at personality types if you haven't already… some types are clearly born as "nice guys", or empaths, right brained, etc. (and they are minority types for some reason !-) go figure ! like 10-20% of the pool for maybe 4 types or more) and if we are to believe Jung, personality types do not change through life, although some functions may be developed, at least with age.

    My point is that some characteristics are genetic, or fixed, like our body, and not everyone is build to run marathons, and some people would not survive it, even if they'd train for it ! in this case, they better walk at their own ease, if they want to live a long life !

    Good point about the women who dream of alpha males, sometimes even of strong, bad guys, while expecting them to become puppies through their love… It's also the case with men, who are naturally attracted to open, feminine women, in both case there could well be more disappointment than dreams come true in the long run.

  • You’ve changed your Office space.

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