Child Psychology : How to Discipline a Child That Does Not Listen

Child Psychology : How to Discipline a Child That Does Not Listen



Children that do not listen are exhibiting a challenge to authority rather than a listening problem. Get through to your child with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video.

Expert: Dr. Craig Childress
Contact: www.drcachildress.org
Bio: Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of ADHD and angry-oppositional relationship disorders of childhood.
Filmmaker: Max Cusimano

Series Description: Raising children can be a confusing project at times. Improve communication with your child and resolve common issues with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video series.

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November 19, 2010 / 43 Comments / by / in
  • What if the father is authority based and the mother is guidance based? Two different parenting styles. And constant bickering over whose way is better and more effective.

  • I really appreciate this video. Thank you.

  • I have tried a lot of techniques…but fore example, today I was literally 1 hr or more asking him to pick up his toys and he just ignored me and kept on jumping and playing around…what am i supposed to do then?

  • It was clearly draining me…he is 4 1/2 by the way and has PDD.

  • U guys be quiet he is helping don't be all rude like u got no ses

  • just wonder if someone is able to answer me this:  dr. says punishment doesnt teach kids neither it motivates to change their behaviour, however i've read that there are two types of motivation in humans – Toward Pleasure and Away From Pain. As for the kids they must act the same way and therefore half of them would respond to punishment positively unless motivation is not formatted fully in the kids. shouldn't we first understand our kids and then choose the best approach for showing consequences in the right way?..

  • I went to see a child psychologist… he was rubbish, he was only 6 years old!

  • tips to discipline a children

  • hi everyone ,if anyone else is searching for stop children from fighting try Enlarbo Child Behave Wizard (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my partner got cool results with it. 

  • what u need to do es whoop the little brat butt

  • You should consider renaming the video "How to Discipline a Disobedient Child"

  • NO OFFENSE TO THE PROFESSIONAL CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST… BUT I DONT THINK WE NEED FROM A CERTIFIED PSYCHOLOGIST FOR US TO KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND HOW TO DO IT. THROUGHOUT HISTORY, PEOPLE HAVE PRACTICED SOMETHING CALLED "WHOOPING DA CHILD" SO THAT HE/SHE WOULD FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

    THE DEFIANCE OF AUTHORITY IT AINT A GOOD THING DOC…. LATER IT MANIFESTS IN MANY OTHER WAYS; FOR INSTANCE, NOT OBEYING TEAHCERS, POLICE, JUDGES, ETC… THEY BECOME NOT AFRAID OF ANYONE… THEY WERE NOT INSTILLED FEAR… THEY MUST BE AFRAID OF YOU SO THAT THEY LISTEN AND OBEY THE ORDERS GIVEN….

    SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY DOESNT HAVE THE ANSWER….. AND THOUGH STRATEGIES DO HELP, THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT "WHOOPING" CANNOT SIMPLY BE DISCARTED.

  • Thank you very much. I will use this technique on my 15 mth old boy.
    These are my notes;
    – A child who doesn't listen is "Passively disobedient." Basically they are challenging "Authority." Carer should respond with a calm and confident authority. Everytime you ask a child to do something and they DO IT, you gain an "authority point." [and visa versa, you lose a point]. 

  • notes continued…
    -If you ask a child to do something and they WON'T, then STOP ASKING. You can only retain your authority in that case by having a CONSEQUENCE. [doesn't need to be a punishment].  Example a "Guiding space" response as opposed to "authority based interventions."  

  • And PS —STOP KILLING YOU KIDS!   Thanks!

  • this is a reall good argument… and i think is the most sensate thing i wll ever hear about pareting…

    all i've heard is that you must talk…. talk talk talk to kids…. kids are not adults yet… they are being formed… they need to be guied…

    and even that i DO talk to my kids… and show them explicit  way things work… from time to time i spank them…. the older is 11… and in 11 years, he have won himself 3 spanks… and i DID told him why he was being spanked… in the ass… with a belt… not as a brute, but as a caring parent… he wasnt bleeding… by the end of the last punishment… he sat on the couch and he told me he was never doing something like that again….

    before spanking your kid… talk to him… correct his manner by a civilised way…. if theres no other way around… tell him  WHY he is about to be spanked…tell him what he did wong… and why he deserve to be corrected…

    dont exagrate… you dont need to unleash the gods forces… you just need to shake his as a little with the belt… nothing more… faster than harder…

    it worked on me… and i am a loving father… i do all for my kids to be good persons in the future

  • What if the child doesnt listen everytime, and after punishung forgets the next day..

  • Or rather than waste three minutes on ineffective "punishment" you could give your child a good slap or a spanking to teach them not to act like idiots

  • a whoop works, in line with what he said, to demonstrate authority.

  • thank you love this approche, dont ever abuse or spank your kids!!, kids need love and attention!! that is what they actually tell you when they dont listen!! do it playfull teach them how to do it, sometimes kids dont do it bc they dont know how to do things, parents!! sometime its your own fault that a kid doesnt listen, we often choose the easy lazy way like spaking or yelling, instead off teaching and communicating with the child! hope this helps, good luck on raising your children everyone, its not easy, but you can make it easy by not beeing lazy!! take action put effort in it!!!

  • If we have to go or are on a time limit I am not putting my hand on my child's shoulder and saying what are you doing? It was a reasonable request. She knows the rules and I was clear. She does not run the show. Take away something or deny her having something because of this disobedience but all that just wastes my time. It is also disrespectful of the relationship that we have as mother and daughter. She will have to lose something or not get a reward or something she wants.

  • Fuck you authoritarian asshole. You are the scourge of the Earth and the reason the world is on fire. People like you create moral rules that you yourselves can break but children have to obey. You're a hypocrite and a coward. Fucking find a grave.

  • The problem with parents these days. Many are too afraid to use their authority. They want to be the child's friend too much.

  • Great advice I'm excited to try this

  • doesnt always work like this.

  • let children be themselves leave them alone, why are adults so obsessed with children ( I think most people who know the real reason behind the system know why )  and its not to serve the kids, take a look at your own behaviour. Authority oh yes install fear. You psychopathic people trying to shape model and condition children into little slave robots to serve the system.  Common core Agenda 21. WAKEY WAKEY. Hands off our kids you systematic people. So called professionals

  • So far we see teachers, parents and other adults being harsh to students/kids, often hitting them without realizing the fact that hitting generally causes long term disadvantage. On the same lines, many countries have banned hitting children by teachers and parents. We lack trained teachers and parents in India and the need of the hour is to train them to treat the child because in the early age, the child is very sensitive. With harsh treatment, there are chances that he will be violent and traumatized in his future.

  • Im 15 My father and mother are good parents but they punished me to a point when i just dont care. I cant seem to get my act together because i simply dont care anymore. This happened over a course of ten years and i have been punished every week at least. i dont know whats wrong with me. is it me or my parents? i jusr cant comprehend why im the bad kid when all i did was get punished for not saying what my parenys wanted to hear

  • Children have more authority over their lives than anyone else. Listen to them and guide them. I was happily surprised by the content of this video. The title and description really doesn't do it justice. Love the positive advice in here.

  • my child says, I don't care.
    so? you're not dealing with children, obviously. where's your video dealing with real life children? this is why I could never take you seriously.

  • Your miserable because you had kids dont lie. this is real life. I know everything bad kids do. You think little boys are bad? Little girls are much worse. If you never spent a long amount of time with children you have NO idea how bad they really are.

  • Your miserable because you had kids dont lie. this is real life. I know everything bad kids do. You think little boys are bad? Little girls are much worse. If you never spent a long amount of time with children you have NO idea how bad they really are.

  • This guy is just another advert for himself and doesn't give much information away to help parents in need.. blah blah blah blah blah blah is all i'm hearing

  • Really got me thinking. I was at my wits end with our daughter. Spanking and yelling wasn't working and just made me feel worse. Now every time she doesn't listen there is a conciquence, not a capital punishment conciquence, taking away her toy or her blanket. I am keeping spanking in my arsenal but more of a last resort and for serious offences.

  • Realy?Realy?Be real ………….

  • Such an eye opener Sir. Thanks very much. I wish I had seen this video much earlier.

  • Nice

  • Kids watch too much tv

  • No it's the teachers when kids are talking around me and the teacher apparently calls me up I guess and I can't hear him when he can all you see 7 kids around me screaming in my f**** ears and then I tell him what happened and then he says it's an excuse teachers do not listen

  • My mom "calmly" whooped my ass with a paint stirrer from ace hardware and I turned out just fine lol

  • I need your help my 15 yr old refuses counseling hates his brother does reverse makes us do reverse he makes us retract our words stand still and plays invisible when people walk by (strangers) he's ADD he's OCD and a bit of anger I redirect my child like you explain I work with my kids sorry bad punctuation I always have done calm authority

  • I don't really trust physiologists cause when I was 12 I was molested by mine

  • Or the kid says, "I didn't want to come because I want to play." And then you have nothing, because they don't want your comfort, they want to play. And then you end up spending three extra minutes getting them to follow every little direction, which renders your class of twenty kids unmanageable if that child's expectation spreads to everyone else, because you don't have an hour to spend on every transition between activities – generally, you have less than five minutes for the whole class. Also, your proposed strategy will likely condition any kid to expect that it's okay to ignore an adult and wait for the extra conversation about why it's actually time to do whatever an adult has suggested the need to do. So your kids will be increasingly unlikely to clean up at first request. That's fine if your kid is homeschooled and has all the time in the world to get bored of asking inane questions about little details of their day, but impossible in a strictly-timed group-behavioral-management context, or in a context where immediate obedience is a life-or-death necessity.

    Besides that, kids learn to understand negative consequences by experiencing them, and you are denying them an important lesson from the Universe about how Nature really works when you make every effort to avoid any negative-feeling consequence that might teach them to avoid problematic behaviors.

    Also, "punishment" in psychology has for many people come to mean anything that reduces undesirable behavior. Under this definition, to whatever extent your "consequence" actually SUCCEEDS in reducing the undesirable behavior (ignoring your weak, boring request), it is a punishment. So you sound unscientific to suggest that your consequence is fundamentally different from punishment as serious psychologists classically understand it, ever since Skinner (unlike you) carefully operationalized the concepts of reward and punishment decades ago.

    I think the context of this advice is a critically missing determiner of its practical value. If we're talking about someone who has no idea that following quickly is important for reasons A, B, and C, you can often correct behavior by explaining A, B, and C in a way that is totally redirecting, and not explicitly focused on reducing the problem behavior (while still practically accomplishing that outcome). But many kids understand A, B, and C, have decided that they don't particularly care about them, and choose to prioritize their own desires over those of adults. For example, consider any kid who knows how to have way more fun than an adult can allow them to have during school. Those children will not respond unless they experience consequences that are ultimately undesirable and thus punishing on some level.

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