Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken | Gary Lewandowski | TEDxNavesink

Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken | Gary Lewandowski | TEDxNavesink

Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University, makes the case that if your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Leaving a bad relationship provides an opportunity for growth and learning.

Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr. is a professor and Department Chair at Monmouth University, Director of the Relationship Science Lab, and co-editor/co-creator of His well-published research focuses on the self and relationships, and his work and expertise have been featured in media outlets (The New York Times, CNN, WebMD, Scientific American Mind, USA Today). Dr. Lewandowski is also a nationally recognized teacher by The Princeton Review among its “Best 300 Professors” list.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at


April 28, 2015 / 20 Comments / by / in
  • You're not going to see someone who's life was still broken 25 years later, giving a TED talk on how to see the bright side of relationship betrayal.

  • Some one I was getting to know and looking forward to doing things together passed away a week ago.

  • I really needed this, thank you! I just got out of a 3 year relationship and this video made me feel a lot better 🙂

  • Hey…james bond…your thinking wtf? All I'm thinking about what I learned from a marriage and a divorce I don't want to go through again. Thats all I learned.

  • Dating single mothers is super hard.

  • I "broke up" with my boyfriend of 4 years. I'll explain why the "".

    We started as acquaintances, and we just hit off. We were made for each other it seems. We are different but same at the same time. We compliment each other, we share the same general passion in life, we understand each other. During the 4 years, I can count in one hand the numbers we had a fight. We were perfect for each other.

    Here comes the bad part. His family. He has a very conservative family. His mother especially, really wants him to marry someone from their kin. His mother even threaten to kill herself if he ever marry an outsider.

    We're ready to get married to each other, to spend our lives together. He's my soul mate and I his. He told about us to his sister, and I think his sister is okay about it. But not his eldest sister and his mother obviously.

    This March, he got married to the girl of his family's choice. He told me in February. Apparently his mother decided that this girl was the one and marriage should be held asap. I was and still totally heartbroken. He has been my emotional support (I have mdd) and now my support is gone, in a poof. I've lost my footing in life, I was a zombie for 2 months.

    It has been 6 months now. I don't feel any less painful. Yesterday I met him after so long at a program. Everything was so familiar, the talks, everything but at the same so different and distant. I was aching with pain. I feel like a literal heart attack would happen.

    We didn't even talk about his current life. We talk about almost everything aside that. I never even seen his wife. I know this is bad, but I feel like if he were to ask me now, I'd say yes without even thinking long. I'm suffering, and I'm trying my best to not suffer. I fill my time with a part time job, I woke up early to have an hour of morning walks, but despite all this, I'm still hollow. My sleep schedule has been all over the place, I got vivid dreams often, I keep on waking up at night. Sometimes I got only 1 hour of sleep.

    I've never felt so alone. 🙁

  • I have too many losses… I mourn them everyday, secretly. No one cares about me, I'm bullied almost regularly, I don't want friends, but they make me face my fear. It always gets worse, I can't focus, i can't smile. I let others down because I can't reach. I want to die, several attempts were made, my feeling for hope is minimal, and I'm slowly drifting away from this disgraceful world. I lost her, the one.

  • so she cheated on you or vice versa?

  • my girlfriend and fiance of 4 years just broke up with me yesterday, its safe to say that i m devastated.

  • I feel more pain than anticipated…

  • The stick figures. Hahahahah

  • Addition by subtraction = re-discovery. She's out there, Not in the "X-FILE".

  • At least they told him. My ex cheated on me and left me a four page breakup note.

  • This helped me put things into the right perspective after months of feeling crushed by a breakup. Thank you

  • Going to movies and doing things alone will not help. They will make you feel worse because you have probably have done those things with your ex. Avoid whatever you did with them for a long time. Don't eat the foods you ate with them, don't drink the drinks you had with them, don't go where you went together, don't do the activites you did together. Do things you didn't do or try with them. The opposite things, you know. That you didn't do together. Try as much as possible to avoid anything that ''specifically'' reminds you of the ex.He is right about going out into the world and doing things you wanna do and renew yourself like a phoenix. Rebirth! And better!

  • Ending a relationship is hard, whether it was your decision or the other person’s decision. You may be dealing with painful emotions and want to deal with those feelings as quickly as possible. There are several ways that you can work through your painful emotions and start to move on, such as writing about your feelings, allowing yourself to grieve, and being cautious about rebound relationships. Keep in mind that getting over a breakup takes time and patience. If things don’t seem to get better with time, remember that you can always turn to friends, family, or even a mental health professional for support.

  • my ex and I broke up a few weeks ago and at first i was okay, I was happy realizing that this was probably the best for me and that I could start learning who I am. but now im just confused and lost. it could be because of circumstance; I dont exactly have enough time/energy to go do stuff. im just really unsure.

  • wow beautiful..i liked the end alot.. breakup s dnt leave u broken ..cauz you are stronger ..well said ..enjyd it thoroughly ..

  • I lost the girl of my dreams, my fiance, who was my best friend and partner of 5 years.i never hurt her physically or cheated on her, but i paid less and less attention to her and her feelings.she did everything for me , and left me last week .I was floored, i couldnt understand it .the point of this comment , is show your partner you love them .all my freinds knew i loved her more than anything, everyone knew except for her and now im completely crushed and heartbroken and theres nothing i can do .

  • Thanks so much for make me feel a little bit better 😢😊

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