About Fourteen again : Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum

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About Fourteen again : Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum

I didn’t know where to write this, I don’t know if anyone can relate, but if someone can they probably are someone with DID. I’m kind of happy about something, that is not actually about Fourteen himself, but still in a way is about him. I can see future for Fourteen the way I didn’t before, and it’s all because of one real life person online.

I think you all know I love animals and they are also my profession. There’s one doggy sleeping in my bed at the moment even now (her owners are out of town). Back many years ago I found a channel from YouTube about horses. I really liked the way the woman in the videos communicated with her horses and I started following her. It didn’t take long, when I realized she was working together with one teenage boy. He had horses too, and to be a teen, amazing bond and trust with his horses. And what was special about him to me besides that too, was the fact, he kind of looked like Fourteen. He’s one of the real life people who have same kind of looks than Fourteen does. However, it was years ago, and he has not been active on YouTube at all until very recently.

He is a real life person, so unlike Fourteen, he is all grown up now, if I remember right he’s 23 now. He started making videos again. He is professional with horses now and does some modeling too. He shares a house and stables with another guy, this supermodel who also has horses, who moved in to live with him from across the world. The other guy has his own YouTube channel as well (about horses too) and since they are taking care of their horses together, they are both in each others videos to the point it’s sometimes hard to know who’s channel are you watching at. I still love the way they work with their horses and the guys are funny together. They are somehow so real, sometimes arguing all the time, but it’s clear they are not actually fighting, and for some reason, it’s fun to watch them and it gets me in really good mood.

This real life person is of course totally separate from my Fourteen, he just used to look like Fourteen does. But for some reason I would really much want to show all the videos to Fourteen. Maybe he could see he could grow up too, and that it is totally possible to be all grown up and have a happy life, and do things you love. Maybe he could see himself different way. Fourteen lives in the inner world, and there’s no limits with what he can do. For some reason I feel there’s hope for Fourteen, because some real life person from another country could grow up like real life people do. Most people do that without it being a problem. I needed to see it myself to believe it can happen. I don’t know if it would help Fourteen, if he could see himself in that guy.

I feel like I have something happy waiting for him, if he wakes up. I hope he doesn’t think it as any kind of pressure. He can stay fourteen as long as he needs to, he doesn’t need to grow. I still don’t know how to help him accept my body and the fact he is a part in bigger system, so I won’t wake him up for this. The real life guy obviously has his own body, but I was thinking about his life compared to what Fourteen can have inside. Inside is where he is gonna grow up if he will, when he will anyway. I know he is too traumatized to grow and it won’t just go away. Seeing the videos could still make him feel better. To me it’s so concrete all the sudden, I hope Fourteen would feel like I do. He doesn’t have to change when he can’t, but the problem is, he haven’t seen any kind of future for himself at all. I hope he could look forward and wait until he gets better so he can have all happy things in life as well.

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